The Promise of Lace Page 2

  “So, I set out an ice bucket next to the door, stick a couple beers in it and set up a trail with all those little tea-light candle samplers that my whole office gets for secret Santa stuff. Then I set them around the room, way far away from the bed this time—I learned my lesson from the Great Blanket Fire of ’06, and then I waited for him to get home.”

  I fought the urge to drop my face into my hand.

  “So I hear him come in, hear him laugh, hear him bolt across the living room. He throws open the door and his jaw falls to the floor. He almost dropped his beer!” Hailey set her palm over her face and giggled madly, calming own just enough to take the last gulp of her mimosa. “He shucks his jeans, dives into bed, sucks my tits until I’m damn near there already, and then flips me onto my stomach and pounds me home!”

  She banged on the table for emphasis. The students across from us shuddered in unison. Our poor waiter, who had appeared behind Hailey right around “sucks my tits” had gone from a rose pink blush to a worrying purple color.

  “Um,” he managed. “Do you… need a refill?”

  “Oh, no, I should wait until my food comes,” Hailey said, delicately hiding a burp behind her hand.

  “’Kay,” he replied. He didn’t move, just kept looking at her with an expression of pure terror on his face.

  I cleared my throat. “I need another one.”

  The kid jolted, like he was just waking up. He grabbed my mug with shaking hands and hurried away.

  Hailey went on, utterly unfazed at having mentally destroyed a sheltered twenty-something.

  “Then afterward I put on my sweats and he got me the other beer out of the ice bucket and we watched Deadliest Catch. It was the best anniversary sex ever. I swear to god I’m going to send Dieter a thank you card.”

  “That’s a good story for your grandchildren, Hailey,” I told her with mock seriousness. She stuck her tongue out at me.

  “Doggy-style though? Really?”

  “Love it,” Hailey replied with an appreciative groan. “Don’t you?”

  “I don’t know. I guess it’s a situational thing. Some one-night-stand dude-bro fucking me from behind—I’d feel used.”

  Hailey shrugged. “I guess. But this is Noah we’re talking about. “

  “Right,” I laughed. “Noah Chisholm, Defender of the Innocent, Killer of Mice, and Changer of Light Bulbs.”

  “Then it’s just him proving that through diligent explanation, careful guidance, a detailed diagram, and tons of practice, he has figured out where the g-spot is and wanted to hear me swear.”

  I should have warned her that the little waiter was behind her again, but this was probably good information for the boy to hear. Adam’s apple bobbing like a lifeboat in a storm, he set my drink in front of me. I could see his hands shaking as he set the mug down. He ran off without even talking to us.

  “We owe that poor waiter a really good tip,” I announced.

  “I’ll draw that diagram on a napkin for him. And maybe I’ll draw it in Dieter’s thank you card too.”

  “Do you really think Dieter has a practical application for a vagina map?”

  “He’s good at his job,” Hailey huffed out an incredibly exasperated breath. “That doesn’t make him gay. He doesn’t have a gay vibe.”

  “Gay vibe?” I asked.

  “You know what I mean,” Hailey groaned. “Sometimes you can tell. And he was smiling at you in a totally not gay way and you should pursue this line of inquiry.

  “Pursue this line of inquiry?” I repeated. “I don’t think that’s what that phrase means.”

  “Whatever. We should go back to that store. You need that purple nightie desperately.”

  “To do what with?” I challenged.

  “To just get because you obviously wanted it and you never get anything for yourself. You can splurge on something just because you liked it. It won’t kill you. I promise. And Dieter has exquisite taste. I’ve already offered my testimonial.” Hailey raised an eyebrow at me in challenge.

  “The idea of maybe taking it out for a test drive has… you know cropped up.” I admitted.

  “Cropped up?”

  “Yeah… you know… subconsciously,” I said. I wasn’t as willing as Hailey was to traumatize poor defenseless waiters and I could see the poor boy coming back with our eggs. “I don’t know. Even if he is straight, isn’t there something a little off about a straight guy who works in a lingerie store? Don’t you expect him to be some sort of STD-riddled Lothario or… doll master? Spending all day dressing up women in sexy outfits? It’s a little like the dark side of Henry Higgins isn’t it?”

  “I don’t know. He seems like he’s mostly a salesman. Besides. It’s just a shitty retail job and I think he’s pretty young, like 22 or 23. He’s probably just stuck there while he looks for something else.”

  “Good. Now I’m cradle robbing at a lingerie store.”

  “Shut up. If twenty-three is too young for us then we really are getting old. You should go for it,” Hailey said. “I might even have to concoct a plan to force you to go for it.”

  “And what is your plan?”

  “I’m not going to just tell you and surrender my tactical advantage like that,” Hailey rolled her eyes. “What kind of crap plan would that be?”

  The rest of brunch passed without incident. Well, unusual incident. Hailey, like she always did, had too many bottomless mimosas and Noah had to come get her. He did this cheerfully. He parked at the end of the lot, which was completely full, ran over, scooped Hailey off the curb as though saving her from drowning then saluted me before bridal carrying Hailey back to the car while she giggled and pretended to try to get down.

  “Gotta love the big lug,” I laughed, watching as Noah tried to maneuver getting Hailey into the car without setting her down. He managed it, but must have bumped her head in the process. I saw her elbow him as he bent to kiss it. He waved at me and dropped into the driver’s seat.

  I went home. Worked on some mock ups. Threw in some laundry. Called a few clients and had a few people agree to give me their emails so I could send them samples. Worked a little late to make up for my morning off.

  I curled up on the couch with a cup of Hazelnut Latte, the kind that’s made out of the powder that comes in a little tin, and the book I’d been reading, Kerouac’s On The Road. I’d thought it seemed interesting. I’d tried to get Haley to read it too so we could talk about it, but she had flat out refused. She said she could give a damn about books that old fogies thought were shocking and to let her know if I wanted to read something that at least had a mystery or a good sex scene in it.

  I put on a little music and sank down into my couch.

  One chapter in, I was daydreaming more than I was reading. Imagining someone here with me. Reading the book on his way to his job and coming home to talk to me about it. Drinking sugary crap coffee mixer with me. Being another sound in my empty apartment.

  I sighed, wriggled further down into my couch, set the book on the coffee table and flipped on the TV.

  I had just realized that I was totally going to let Hailey put her diabolical plan to hook me up with a guy who could very easily be gay into motion, and there was nothing I could do to stop myself.

  Chapter Three

  “Fantastic,” I sighed, as the three of us came to a stop a few storefronts down from the lingerie store.

  I stopped. Noah was sneaking for no reason and bumped into me. Hailey tripped into him and accidentally whacked him loudly on the ass with one of her Macy’s bags.

  We were basically the stooges.

  “So now we are stalking Dieter. That is just fan-freaking-tastic.”

  “We are not stalking,” Hailey insisted. “We have a totally legitimate reason to be here. We have done legitimate shopping elsewhere in the mall. We are going into the establishment where he works for a legitimate reason. Our sole purpose is to exchange money for goods. We don’t even know if he works today.”

  “I bet
that’s what everyone who is eventually brought up for stalking says to themselves at first,” I huffed. “We’ve been at the mall since it opened, and taking shifts to walk past every hour to see if he’s working. We’re pathetic.”

  “Is he there?” Noah asked. “I want to see this guy. Is he handsomer than me?”

  “Of course not, baby,” Hailey answered at the same time I gave Noah and mockingly apologetic expression and nodded ‘yes’.

  Hailey put her hands on her hips. “For every Happily-Ever-After in history there’s some fairy godmother out there who had to bust her fucking hump to get it done. So shut the fuck up and go talk to that handsome man,” she declared in a tone that brooked absolutely no argument. “And when this works, you come back out here and you buy me a soft pretzel. Capisce?”

  “You’re scary when you have an espresso shot. Has anyone ever told you that?” I countered.

  “She really is,” Noah agreed.

  “Go!” Hailey ordered, jabbing her finger toward the store.

  I turned around and headed for the lingerie store, where we had just seen Dieter behind the counter. I was trying to tell myself that I was totally cool and collected about this. I had not brought along a backup team like some fucking junior high kid who could not talk to a boy without a cootie-protection screen made up of her friends. I had not spent my entire day being jostled by blond suburb girls on the off chance that Dieter might be working.

  And, if he wasn’t working, it still wasn’t a total waste of my day. I had gotten a few things done. Bought a new pair of sneakers to replace my poor ripped, worn out, and beloved purple Converse. I had replaced my battered shoulder bag with a nice leather briefcase and hardly felt bad about spending the money. I had been carrying around an old canvas messenger bag forever. The huge hole in the corner had widened to the point where important things were likely to fall out, and I’d been explicitly saving for a nicer bag. It was a business expense. I had even saved the receipt, making this whole stupid mall-stalking portion of the plan, to use Hailey’s term, legitimate.

  I approached the lingerie store, pausing outside and pretending to admire the huge posters of mostly-naked women in the windows. I did my best to use my peripheral vision to spot Dieter. He was behind the counter, looking bored.

  I took a deep breath, which evidently I needed in order to go talk to an attractive man, because I was some sort of ridiculous teenager.

  He smiled at me as I walked up to him. It was warm, but restrained. Not exactly the saucy grin that he had given Hailey and I last week. It made me nervous. Maybe he’d realized that we had been trying to pin down his whereabouts since nine in the morning.

  “Hi, I was in here last week and I tried something on and thought I’d come back to get it. It was purple, sort of,” I set my fingertips to my collar and traced the shape of the neckline over my blouse.

  “I remember. I’ll go get it for you.” He rapped his knuckles on the desk before he disappeared.

  He remembered.

  Sigh.

  I mocked myself for the little tickle of butterflies in my stomach caused by a salesman being a good salesman and then moved on to mocking myself for pre-emptively buying a nightie when I was single, and my only potential prospect was a slightly too young cutie who did, upon further reflection, seem to be a little too into lingerie.

  Dieter returned, the shining plum fabric dripping from his hands. I watched the way he crossed the floor, with sharp, controlled steps, nearly a march. He walked like he should be carrying a flag.

  I indulged in a brief fantasy of him in uniform, then banished it as he actually ducked around the counter and started scanning the sales tags.

  He was business-like and efficient about the whole thing, taking my card and giving me the receipt to sign with a polite little smile, and I left with the purchase and a coupon for an upcoming sale and felt disappointed about it, which was just stupid.

  What had I been expecting him to do? Cry out that he had been waiting for me to return and could not quell his desire for me? That we must away to the dressing room post-haste for an up-against-the-wall-fuck with the tags still on the nightie?

  A fantasy about being fucked up against the wall in a public place was a sure sign I had been watching too much porn.

  I sighed, adjusted the bag on my arm so that the jute handles weren’t rubbing into the crook of my elbow and walked back out to the main hallway of the lingerie store.

  Noah and Hailey were playing cool, but trying way too hard. Maybe Dieter had been a little cold to me because there was so clearly something weird about a woman’s friends waiting outside the store for her to buy something and then hovering at the entrance as though they were expecting a debriefing when she came back out.

  “Let’s move,” I said, pointing a finger like I was gesturing us all to some predetermined destination instead of making sure that we did this far away from where Dieter could see us. I’d had more than enough humiliation for one day.

  “What happened? You were gone like two minutes. You didn’t even flirt!” Hailey moaned. “I didn’t devote my entire fucking day to this just so you could blow it!”

  “I didn’t blow it. There was nothing to blow. He was like, ice cold professional. He didn’t say any of the stuff he usually says, he was just like, ‘Ah, yes, here is your revealing undergarment. Please leave’. There was no flirting to be done. It was brutal.”

  “He wasn’t even friendly?”

  “For just a guy doing his job? Yeah he was totally friendly. Compared to usual? No. Not at all.” Something occurred to me. “Wait. You guys weren’t just out here staring at him were you?”

  “No!” Noah said. “We just walked past. We were looking at the map to see where Wilson Leather got moved. It’s not like we had our faces pressed up against the glass or anything.”

  “Well. Whatever,” I sighed. “I’m tired. This blew. I’ve got work that needs doing. I’ll see you guys later.”

  “Hey, come on, let’s at least go grab some lunch.” Noah set his hand over my shoulder.

  I sighed and shrugged it off. “I’m just going to go home and do some work. I’ve got a few mock ups to finish up. Some phone calls I should make.”

  “Come on, we can sti—” Hailey started.

  “Guys—I have to work today. Come back to me with the next stage of the plan. I’ve already blown my whole morning.”

  Hailey let it go. Noah looked like he was going to argue, but I saw him jump. Hailey had kicked him.

  “Alright. I’ll let you know when I’ve got a stage two in the works.”

  “Sounds good. Later.”

  I was mad at myself for being disappointed. I had a crush. So what? I had things to do and it was just stupid to be going full high school nuts over some muscular hunk. Then I wondered if maybe Hailey was only doing this to live vicariously through me. She’d been dating the same guy for nearly ten years. She was engaged. She had just been complaining about being slightly bored, if utterly content.

  Then I felt bad again for doubting my friend’s intentions. I dropped down into my car and heaved out a deep breath. This wasn’t getting me anywhere. Less thinking, more working. That was the ticket.

  When I got home I took all the things out of my old bag, threw away the random receipts, dumped out all the change and pens, and carefully tucked all my things into my new bag. I chucked the nightie and the makeup into my wardrobe, pulled out my computer and got to work.

  Chapter Four

  It was Friday, two weeks after Hailey and I had taken our silly trip to the mall and one week after the two of us and Noah had gone out for a our humiliating one. Hailey, Noah, and I were out at one of our normal places: a bar that was all blue lighting and cracked glass fixtures. It leaned a little pretentious, but the music was kept at a volume that actually allowed you to talk to the people you had come with. And, unlike our with adventure earlier, all the patrons were dressed like they knew they were out in public and seemed to have showered recently.


  I was glad that we were all out together. The mortifying incident at the lingerie store not withstanding, I was having a damn fine week. I had landed a major project putting together flyers for a music venue downtown, and I’d had a fun creative couple of days drinking tea in my pajamas and drawing up concepts and a few mock-ups. I was telling my friends all about it when Hailey seized my hand like I was falling off a cliff.

  “Ten o’clock!” she hissed.

  “What?”

  “The direction,” Noah clarified. “And she’s wrong; it’s actually seven o’clock from where you’re sitting.”

  I glanced back over my shoulder.

  “Don’t look!” Carla whispered.

  But it was too late. I had looked over, and he had seen me. Dieter was standing at the bar, his tee shirt as tight as ever, but a deep hunter green instead of black. He was wearing regular jeans, just as tight as the ones I had seen him in before.

  He smiled. The same broad, warm smile that he usually wore.

  He started to come over. My first reaction was panic, but I reminded myself that I was a grown woman. I smiled back at him and he sped up.

  “Hi, you were in the store last week,” he said, waving awkwardly at everyone else at the table with a quick “Hi. I’m Dieter.”

  “Yeah. That was me. Roxanne,” I extended my hand, he gripped it a little too tight and pumped it twice in an oddly robotic way. There was a slight chill against my palm when he pulled away and I realized that his palms were a little sweaty.

  “Roxanne. Lovely name. Could I… Could I pull you away from you friends for a moment? Would that be okay?”

  He seemed nervous. Was a broad, beautiful, charming man nervous about talking to me?

  That annoying flutter in my stomach cropped up again. I cleared my throat. “Yeah. Yeah. Sure.”

  He nodded his head back toward the bar and I scooted out of our booth to follow him. When I glanced back at my friends I saw Hailey whispering to Noah, who winked at me then stuck out his tongue.